People sometimes confuse conflict with bullying, but they are different. While bullying and conflict are separate, they can be experienced at the same time in different ways. It is important to be able to know and identify the difference between the two because conflict between students does not always lead to bullying.
Conflict occurs between people who have a disagreement, a difference of opinion, or different views. When there is conflict, each person feels comfortable sharing their ideas to settle the differences and come to a resolution. On the other hand, bullying is aggressive behaviour that is typically repeated over time and can happen when there is a real or possible power imbalance. It is meant to cause harm, fear, distress, or create a negative setting for another person.
The connection between these two concepts is further explored below:
- Children learn at a young age that others can have different perspectives than their own. This awareness continues to develop into early adulthood;
- Working through conflict towards a mutual resolution is a natural part of growing up;
- The way people deal with conflict can make it a positive or negative experience;
- Reaching a mutually agreeable resolution is a positive outcome of conflict;
- Conflict becomes negative when a person behaves aggressively and says or does hurtful things;
- Over time, a pattern of behaviour can emerge where the person who behaves aggressively in the conflict may continue or even make it worse;
- The person who is on the receiving end of the aggressive conflict may begin to feel less able to express their point of view and experience a sense of powerlessness; and
- That is when negative conflict can turn into bullying.
Understanding Conflict vs. Bullying
Do you know the difference between conflict, rude, and mean behaviours, or bullying? Check out and refer to this quick reference guide which compares the four terms.
View the "Is It Bullying?" Quick Reference Guide
Click here for an accessible/translatable version
Conflict is:
- Occasional;
- Not planned; in the heat of the moment;
- All parties are upset;
- All parties want to work things out;
- All parties will accept responsibility;
- An effort is made by all parties to solve the problem; and
- Can be resolved through mediation
Rude is:
- Occasional;
- Spontaneous: Unintentional;
- Can cause hurt feelings; Upset;
- Based in thoughtlessness, poor manners or narcissism;
- Rude person accepts responsibility; and
- Social skill building could be of benefit
Mean is:
- Once or Twice;
- Intentional;
- Can hurt others deeply;
- Based in anger; Impulsive cruelty;
- Behaviour often regretted; and
- Needs to be addressed/should NOT be ignored
Bullying is:
- Is REPEATED;
- Is planned and done on purpose;
- The target of the bullying is upset;
- The bully is trying to gain control over the target;
- The bully blames the target;
- The target wants to stop the bully’s behaviour, the bully does not; and
- Cannot be resolved through mediation
Problem-Solving Conflict 'Universal Way of Addressing Concern' - Stop It - Name It - Explain It - Ask for Change
This four-step model can be used to help problem-solve incidents of conflict and bullying, if they arise. Before using this approach to address a concern, it is recommended that you consult a trusted adult to ensure proper understanding and comfort level. It may be implemented across all age levels, including Kindergarten to Grade 12.
View the "Speak Up: The Universal Way of Addressing Concern" Guide
Click here for an accessible/translatable version
Speak Up: Universal Way of Addressing Concern
Stop it:
- Stop/Address the behaviour
Name it:
- Describe the behaviour (e.g., racist, sexist, homophobic)
Explain it:
- Explain why the behaviour is inappropriate/hurtful
Ask for Change:
- Ask for a change in behaviour, discuss other appropriate words or actions to use